Category: Self Relationship

Finding The One: The Waltz of Romantic Idealism

~ womeninlivingness

I have recently been looking at some of my romantic notions and their origins so that I could choose what to keep and what to let go as I move forward in my life. Contemplating my former addiction to Jane Austen novels and, of course, Mr Darcy, together with my unceasing search for the one, lead me back to my very early childhood and the many times I danced with my Father.

My Dad assures me he used to sing to me and dance with me as a baby and I recall feeling a great sorrow around age 9 when suddenly there was no longer the physical affection there had been prior to this time. When my Dad started to waltz with me as a teenager, this seemed to me a return to those times of warmth and affection. I enjoyed the feeling of being nestled in his arms, although I was advised quite often it’s the man who takes the lead.

Reflecting on these early experiences revealed a surprisingly large can of emotional worms.

Continue reading “Finding The One: The Waltz of Romantic Idealism” →

True Mothering – from a Daughter’s Perspective

~ womeninlivingness

When I was a small child I held a connection with my mother like nobody else. For the first 5 days of my life it was just her and I in a hospital room, all the staff and nurses simply left us to be with each other knowing I was the 4th child born in the family and that mum knew exactly how to be with her new born.

I knew what love was, it was the warmth my mother wrapped me in with her eyes, as well as the swaddled and delicate way she held me. She cared for me unreservedly, and from the very beginning I knew I was supported to simply be myself.

Then I began to mother my own mother… Continue reading “True Mothering – from a Daughter’s Perspective” →

Miscarriage – The Blessing That Opened Me Up To True Motherhood

~ womeninlivingness

I was the Perfect Modern time Woman.

Travelling the world, successful, different not mainstream, fun to be with, partying lifestyle, good-looking and with a job that had the purpose to change the structures we live in and make the world a better place. Yet at the same time I was bored with life and could not see its deeper meaning. Getting older, having a family and importantly raising kids seemed to be the sole purpose to life, but I already did this back in my early twenties supporting my sister in bringing up her daughter, my niece. The role of ‘mothering’ came easily to me and felt very natural; I just loved taking care of little kids and babies. I enjoyed their easiness and calmness. But the event of my years’ later miscarriage offered me a different view and opened me up to the possibility of what true mothering and motherhood was, and that this first stemmed from a way in which I treated and looked after myself. Continue reading “Miscarriage – The Blessing That Opened Me Up To True Motherhood” →

A True Woman: Surrendering To My Tenderness

~ womeninlivingness

Over the past couple of years I have listened to various presentations by Universal Medicine in relation to what it means to be a ‘true woman’… that we as women have innate qualities of tenderness, preciousness and even sacredness within us – if we choose to surrender to them.

I have had moments of these qualities, which although amazing to feel at the time, they have not been part of my everyday experience or way of living. In fact, feeling these qualities so infrequently has only exposed more of the exact opposite in my body and the way I have been living. Continue reading “A True Woman: Surrendering To My Tenderness” →

Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery

~ womeninlivingness

A boyfriend once said to me that he couldn’t imagine me flirting and suggested I should be less shy and flirt more. Inside I felt self-righteous, that I didn’t stoop that low and incredulous that he should suggest such a thing. Another part of my reaction was feeling sad that I wasn’t accepted the way I was.

FLIRTING – IT’S IN THE EYES

We discussed what constitutes flirting and I concluded that it is about trying to attract another and that it had sexual undertones. However, this boyfriend having said that I should flirt more, recalled a house party that I hosted before we got together, he said, “I felt like you were flirting with your eyes”. Continue reading “Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery” →

I Don’t NEED a Man

~ womeninlivingness

Until recently I always thought I knew ‘I don’t need a man’, that I am complete without one and if people were to talk about women needing a man to be complete I would think how absurd it is to think that one does. I did not really see this as something for me to know or look into because I agree… one should not feel as if they are not complete without another.

On a personal level I could not stand ‘neediness’ anyway, it just did not make sense to need someone in that way and so if ever this topic was mentioned I thought, yes I already know about this and have always ‘known’ it… so I never gave any thought to it again.

WELL … Continue reading “I Don’t NEED a Man” →

Learning to Express Myself

~ womeninlivingness

What is it that gets in the way of me truly expressing myself?

  • Wanting to please other people and make sure that I act in a way that makes them feel reassured and accepted
  • Wanting to be the best, to be noticed or to be rewarded in some way for taking part…always after that A* prize of recognition
  • Fear/shame/embarrassment of not wanting to reveal myself as some kind of inept imposter
  • The ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mantra from childhood
  • Not wanting my expression to spiral into an uncomfortable emotional reaction, because I’ve been holding back for so long, and there is so much to say Continue reading “Learning to Express Myself” →

Using a Clothes Steamer: My shopping Purchase and Supporting Me

~ womeninlivingness

I love to shop. Recently my husband and I were talking about how some shopping purchases can be truly supportive and others are just unnecessary objects we buy because we are trying to fill a void or distract ourselves from feeling “stuff” that is coming up. We had this fun conversation about items we had brought (runners and a clothes steamer), and expressed a loving appreciation for ourselves when we brought something that was truly supportive.  Continue reading “Using a Clothes Steamer: My shopping Purchase and Supporting Me” →

I am a Very Sensitive Woman: Discovering the Strength of Sensitivity

~ womeninlivingness

by Luz Helena Hincapie, Colombia

Learning to work on my hypersensitivity and starting to love and appreciate my sensitivity hasn’t been easy, as I tend to get ideas of how I should behave and how I should fit into society. Self-judgment, the need for recognition and feeling hurt all insist on hanging around. If I let them, they insist on pulling me back into the old ways. However, with the consistent commitment to lovingly assess where I am at and the trust I now have in myself it is certainly a joyful process.

I’ve found that the answer in dealing with ‘distorted’ sensitivity is inside of my heart, never in my mind or practicing the sports of intellectual and emotional self-defence. The mind will only mask things, chose strategies and it will be a saboteur in the long run. The self-defence sports will only make one awkward and hard. Continue reading “I am a Very Sensitive Woman: Discovering the Strength of Sensitivity” →

Is Sensitivity a Weakness or a Strength? Dealing with the Insecurities of a Hyper-sensitive Woman

~ womeninlivingness

by Luz Helena Hincapie, Colombia 

What does being hyper-sensitive imply in a woman’s life? Is there any real hope for it?

I walked most of my life being un-aware of how hypersensitive I was and I still tend to be. Why? On one hand, I was very closed off to my feelings and my inner world and on the other hand mainly because I never wanted to ACCEPT being like that. People (especially women) that I used to judge as hypersensitive put me off. I saw them as weak, shy, as the shadow of someone else, not able to speak out, hiding and uninteresting. My ideals of a great personality were to be outgoing, super-confident, funny, smart and popular. I tried very hard to have all those qualities. Continue reading “Is Sensitivity a Weakness or a Strength? Dealing with the Insecurities of a Hyper-sensitive Woman” →